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As a young fashion editor, André Leon Talley presented as impossibly tall, impossibly handsome, impossibly well-styled; impossibly observant, impossibly connected; impossibly well-educated, impossibly verbal, impossibly precise; impossibly effusive, impossibly charismatic, and impossibly grandiose. For the comfort of some members of the fashion industry, he seems also to have been impossibly Black. Due to these qualities, Talley arrived (in the old-fashioned sense) everywhere he appeared, usually in the front row, which seated the line of succession of the fashion intelligentsia.


Poster for the documentary (2017). By Colin Douglas Gray.

Talley’s death in 2022 of Covid at age 73 deprived the fashion industry of one of its great personalities. This expert-publicizer-editor produced in his last decade a second memoir and a documentary. Following A.L.T. (2003), the first memoir, his second memoir, The Chiffon Trenches (2020), became a New York Times Bestseller, due to its devil-may-care gossip about top editors and designers. The documentary crew for The Gospel According to André (2017) followed him everywhere for years.


The mother of writer Fran Lebowitz once innocently identified him as her daughter’s friend, “the African prince”. The terms “regal” and “majestic” appear time and again in descriptions of Talley, fashion’s self-made emperor. Talley refers to “being aristocratic in the highest sense of the word. You can be aristocratic without having been born in an aristocratic family.” Even Anna Wintour, editor of American Vogue and one-time friend, acknowledged Talley’s princely air by giving him an African throne.

Talley was never a truly dominant force in himself: his power came from his close associations with fashion’s apex predators. There were tender friendships based on arch humour, grand generosity, and intellectual respect. He was, for a time, welcomed, if not truly loved, by Wintour and by Chanel’s creative director, Karl Lagerfeld. In the final years of his life, he was rejected by both without explanation. On more solid ground, he had great lifelong friendships with designers Diane von Fürstenberg and Oscar de la Renta, as well as with Lee Radziwill (the sister of Jacqueline Onassis).


He began every morning with an epic phone call with comedian Sandra Bernhard, burning up the wire with wild observations on contemporary culture. One can only dream of a court stenographer transcribing an anthology of such talk.

The gemlike appraisals never stopped. He sparked magic with his precision tool terminology, his silliness, and his enormous cultural range. He stayed conversant, for example, with pop and rap music, keeping him red carpet-ready for his celebrity interviews at the Met Gala. Parked at the top of the grand staircase, Talley was an institution for many years, shrieking fashion commentary and encouragement at each passing celebrity. Rapper Will.I.am called him “the Kofi Annan of what you’ve got on”. Meanwhile, his substantial knowledge of 18th-century France, which he discussed in fluent French, readied him for chats with Lagerfeld.

Throughout his life, he was all about vocabulary, pinning down fashion frippery with an autopsy of highly technical wording. Manolo Blahnik is the “Bernini of shoes”. Designer John Galliano’s looks range from “zen minimalism to quiet Milanese style”.

Many of his observations were silly but were delivered deadpan. “Do you know how sophisticated it is to match black and navy blue? Most women don’t have the courage.” He decided that “having two bracelets means you’re rich”. He narrated a photo shoot featuring Cindy Crawford walking down the street in Monte Carlo. Here we have “a rich widow in Monaco going to bury her husband wearing a black bathing suit” and a big black veil. Asked why haute couture was not seen in the street, Talley volleyed back “it depends on what street you are on, darling, and at what time of day.”

Explaining what fashion meant to him, he erupted with “great excitement, great beauty, great revelment, ravishment, wonderment”. Designer Marc Jacobs described him as an “operatic figure”. Lagerfeld memorably called Talley’s commentary on the shows “a psychodrama”.


His tour at Vogue lasted from 1983-1995 and 1998-2013, with a three year interregnum in which he briefly gave up on Wintour’s coldness. He would also write for Ebony and W Magazine, and edit for Vanity Fair.

One imagines him a major office distraction, and a murderously expensive one, instilling ADHD in his dazzled co-workers. In the roman à clef The Devil Wears Prada, Lauren Weisberger types all the dialogue from his character in capital letters.

In the days of mid- to late twentieth century publishing, the Condé Nast magazine empire, as a matter of course, picked up the tab for endless town cars, expensive restaurants, and first class travel. The personnel of Vogue could hardly be seen at a taxi stand, as they are today, according with the collapse of the magazine industry.

Talley with Isabella Blow in the front row at the Junya Watanabe S/S 2004 Show

Like met like when British fashion icon Isabella Blow became Talley’s assistant. An uncanny discoverer of unknown designers, she has been the subject of monographs herself. She washed her desk with Chanel No5, typed wearing opera gloves, and said things like “if you don’t wear lipstick, I can’t talk to you”. On location on a fashion shoot, they squabbled over Blow’s refusal to do a bit of vacuuming. Eventually, he had to fire her after she went AWOL for two weeks on a Scottish shooting trip.

Talley, Blow, and Vogue stylist Carlyne Cerf de Dudzeele were each true characters, all of them genius editors, stylists and oracles. Fashion had a great appetite for such one-offs, until the sharky corporate era purged most of them, including, eventually, Talley himself. Blow and Cerf de Dudzeele were both minor members of European aristocracies. The three were each so bizarre, delightful, and totally distinctive, that anyone with even a passing knowledge of the industry knew them exactly.


He always attributed his success to faultless (retro) manners and to doing his “homework”, which consisted of extensive reading and consultations so that he would arrive at each meeting fully briefed, paying his subject that compliment.

Talley sucked people into a whirlwind of affection and recognition, which one needed a heart of stone to resist. He was charm itself, greeting random strangers with a strobe-lit “hello, how are you”, filled with actual curiosity. His wit and humour attracted new friends. Everyone was always referred to by his title, even after years of friendship, (“Mr. Karl Lagerfeld”, “Mrs. Annette de la Renta”) and everyone in Paris was always Madame or Monsieur.

Despite his lifelong celibacy, the “flaw in my life”, Talley loved to love. He was gay, but theoretically so. He attributed his lack of romance to childhood molestation, shyness, and his intense concentration on his career. (Talley admitted that he “depended on sartorial boldness to camouflage my interior vortex of pain, insecurity, and doubt.”)

He was, however, promiscuous in his platonic enthusiasms for new acquaintances. He had a special love affair with longtime friends, being a love bomb personified. But Fran Lebowitz called him “a nun” amidst the disco scene of the 1970s, despite his endless nights at Studio 54. He stayed on the first floor, dancing, he explained, while the wildness was played out above.

Talley with Diana Ross at Studio 54. By Sonia Moskowitz, Getty Images.

He subjected every show to his X-ray vision:

“…I learned how to embrace what was going on around me 360 degrees. What makes a beautiful dress? Hems, seams, the way it’s put together. The ruffles. How’s the ruffle? How’s the bow tie? What’s the combination of colours, what’s the combination of fabrics? There’s Mounia on the runway, in what? What was Yves’s [St. Laurent] inspiration? What is the music behind her? What is the chandelier behind her? And there are roses, why are they there? Why is she wearing that shoe? And what is the lipstick? What is going on in the mind of the designer?”

But Talley had a major blind spot in his fashion criticism. He failed to appreciate the disruptive and unprecedented work of Alexander McQueen, the thuggish British designer who frightened Talley at fittings. He would dismiss McQueen’s work as “too dark”. In the end, McQueen’s work was more important than anyone’s of his era.

Talley with John Galliano


Instead, he extended himself, time and again, to the resuccition of designer John Galliano’s career, before and after his filmed anti-Semitic tirade that almost destroyed his career. Early on, Talley found him a financial backer who took the Concorde to see his collection. Then, for a fashion show that Galliano couldn’t afford to stage anywhere else, Talley famously secured the private Hôtel de Luzy owned by an American socialite in Paris, who had a face lift to celebrate. “[Galliano] is a mad poet, like Rimbaud, or Verlaine, or Baudelaire,” claimed Talley. Years later, at the last minute, Galliano cancelled a trip to the Savannah College of Art and Design to receive the André Leon Talley Lifetime Achievement Award. Talley decided that “Galliano cancelled on Queen Elizabeth II for a state dinner at Buckingham Palace, so it was hard to take it personally.”


Talley’s experiences of overt racism were relatively few, but still searing. Rocks were thrown at him from a passing car when he was a teenager at the Duke campus, making his monthly pilgrimage to buy Vogue magazine.

Clara Saint, a publicist for YSL, was held responsible for Talley’s vile Parisian nickname “Queen Kong”. It is hard to decide whether it is more racist or homophobic. Talley was most stunned by the racism and, in the documentary, his eyes filled with tears when he recalling it. At the time he said nothing.

André Leon Talley with Naomi Campbell at the Met Gala, Reuters.

Talley considered that he might be looked at as “a blackamoor, a black page in a Russian court”. His appearance was such a shock to the fashion world that Whoopi Goldberg called him “the Black Rockette”, who read for viewers as “white-white-white-WHAT?-white-white-white”.

Talley was charged up by the revolutionary appearance of African-American models Naomi Sims and Pat Cleveland in American Vogue, a publication aimed at rich, upper-middle class white women. Also unprecedented was the addition of Mounia, from Martinique, on the runway. Iman, from Somalia, was a revelation, too breathtaking and icily sophisticated for editors to ignore. The Netflix docuseries “Supreme Models” (2025) explains how the appearance of Black models came and went with the seasons. Prada, notoriously, removed all models of colour in favour of sequence of nearly identical washed-out blondes, so as not to distract from the clothing.

Greatly injured, he resigned in 1979 after being falsely accused by his boss at French WWD, Michael Coady, of sleeping his way to the top of the fashion industry. The accusation was made to Talley’s face in front of the magazine’s staff. He understood that, despite his accomplishments, he was perceived as “a big black buck”, and there was no reply to a comment so degrading. He left immediately for New York.


Talley’s origin story revolves around two great ladies, one being his maternal grandmother, Bennie Frances Davis of Durham, North Carolina. The other was Diana Vreeland, the former editor of American Vogue, and the director of the Fashion Institute of the Metropolitan Museum of Art at the time Talley met her.


Talley’s grandmother Bennie Frances Davis


Talley’s grandmother, a stern housemaid who worked at a Duke University dormitory, was a personification of the seven capital virtues. He grew up in her imposingly clean and orderly home where he, an only child, was financially supported by her and by both his separated parents. His father was a taxi driver in Washington, D.C. Talley lacked for nothing, and was a great reader who, in his teen years, was already captivated by Vogue and haute couture.

He went on to do graduate work in French literature at Brown University, finishing his masters and dropping out of his doctorate. (His excellent French would eventually lead to a post as the Paris Bureau Chief for WWD.)

Davis attended sermons every Sunday, joining an immaculately decked out congregation, in the great tradition of Black Southern churches. The women each wore wardrobes of gloves, perfectly preserved dresses, and high fashion hats, which they would stack at home in towers of striking boxes. The men wore crisp suits, jaunty hats, and shoes shined buff. This carousel of details and colours provided Talley his first exposure to the concept of fashion.

In an interview with Q, the Canadian arts TV show, Talley discusses a “moral code to dress well”, to present oneself as best one can, empowering oneself and demonstrating respect for onlookers.

Talley’s monogrammed Vuitton luggage auctioned at Christie’s

Touchingly, the takings of Christie’s posthumous auction of his treasures, upon which we can imagine he would curl up like the dragon Smaug, were divided between Talley’s two churches: the Abyssinian Baptist Church in Harlem and the Mount Sinai Ministry Baptist Church in Durham. The collection included stacks of monogrammed Vuitton luggage, artwork, and a universe of caftans and crocodile coats.

Throughout his life, it took almost nothing to get Talley to start on a long, repetitive monologue about his grandmother’s “unconditional love” and her gift of dignity and correctness. Nearly the first half of his memoir A.L.T. documented his youth in his grandmother’s beautiful, impeccable home. After Talley’s grandmother died in 1989, he seemed to have felt orphaned.


Talley with Diana Vreeland at the Costume Institute at the Met, 1974, Photo: Bill Cunningham Foundation

It was from Vreeland he learned his peculiar stuttering diction, each word snapping off his tongue like reins against a horse, his speech made only of exultations and condemnations. His estimations were often delivered in a shriek. From her (and from his study of the television chef Julia Child), he learned a Continental accent. Some called him pretentious, an accusation he simply rejected out of hand, invoking his great artistic scholarship.

Vreeland was a genius and a grandiloquent eccentric. Working as a columnist at Harper’s Bazaar, she wrote a feature called “Why don’t you” that was beyond aspirational— it was thrillingly unrelatable. Her suggestions included “why don’t you turn your old ermine coat into a bathrobe” and “why don’t you turn your child into an Infanta for a fancy-dress party”. She called the all-red room in her apartment her “living room in Hell”. Vreeland was a great practitioner of art for art’s sake.

His internship under Vreeland segued into a dear friendship, when Talley, like a devoted grandson, visited her in her final years and, as her vision faded, read aloud to her newspapers and magazines.


Anna Wintour and André Leon Talley in the front row at a Chanel show

With a little exaggeration, editor Grace Coddington claimed that “André is the only person who has been allowed to see Anna Wintour in her underwear”, another of Talley’s honours. Wintour, a corporate executive, was sometimes uncertain of her knowledge of fashion history and her sense of taste. Talley was essential as a stylist and was required for Wintour’s countless fittings, even as their friendship was falling apart. (Hegel said that no man is a hero to his valet, but Wintour was his hero for decades.) Talley made the mistake of truly loving his reptilian friend.

He accompanied Wintour on countless occasions as her “walker” at fashion shows, conferring upon this white businesswoman a degree of chic. She brought him along as a computer of fashion history whose erudite and nearly deranged thumbs up or down after a show educated her own verdict.

When Talley describes sharing Wintour’s limousine in Paris and Milan en route to the shows, one can’t help but think of The Devil Wears Prada and the fictional editor Miranda Priestley’s final words in her limo. Did Talley listen to Wintour declare that “Everyone wants to be us”? If so, at the time, did he gloat?

He couldn’t speak without name-dropping, but there was pathos in it, as he would descant upon the many honours (opulent gifts, lavish testimonials) awarded to him as self-soothing proofs of devotion. One thinks of the generations of delusional anthropologists writing home excitedly that the natives had accepted them as their very own.

Talley and Karl Lagerfeld


Shot through The Chiffon Trenches is Talley’s pride in being addressed as an equal by the majesties of fashion—Vreeland, Lagerfeld, and Wintour. There is almost no claim too small to be made. Mrs. Eunice Johnson of Ebony magazine would always ensure that his hotel rooms were on the same floor as hers, and Talley doesn’t fail to observe that no other traveling editor offered him this gesture. Renée Zellweger sent him an enormous Christmas wreath. Might he have been considerably more peaceful without taking these measurements and testing these loyalties?

The fashion industry may have invented ghosting. Exchanges of flowers, gifts, and messages on birthdays and anniversaries preserve the balance of terror between fashionistas. Any omission is taken as a calculated outrage. When the gifts and salutations abruptly stop, as they did with Lagerfeld and Wintour, it is like a death.

When Talley first sat with Lagerfeld for Interview magazine, they clicked instantly, and Lagerfeld immediately began to dress Talley, beginning with a gift of armfuls of “beautiful crêpe de chine shirts in kelly green and pink peony, each with a matching scarf”.

Their conversations were so intense one can almost hear the bruit off a still photograph. The two men delighted each other and were the closest of best friends. Lover-like, they couldn’t get enough of each other, having hours-long telephone calls in the morning and evening, when they were not at parties together, faxing, or couriering handwritten letters on luxurious paper back and forth across Paris. Talley received frequent invitations to stay at Lagerfeld’s home, a gift rarely awarded to industry personnel. Even Wintour couldn’t always get Lagerfeld on the phone, and had Talley dial up first.

He luxuriated in his spectacular gifts from Lagerfeld, who made sure to have Talley decked out in Chanel and Fendi. Over the course of their forty year friendship, Talley was also given a black Amex to cover airplane tickets and long stays at the Paris Ritz.


Talley was never actually dismissed from Vogue nor was he removed from the masthead, but his responsibilities were stripped passive-aggressively, without advanced notice. In 2018, when he learns that he will no longer do his runway interviews at the Met Gala, it is couched as being “beneath him”. He was replaced by a know-nothing young influencer with a vast following.

Talley at the Met Gala


The final chapters of Talley’s life were about morbid obesity and his insane devouring of “a pan of macaroni and cheese, a pan of turkey with the dressing, stuffing, candied yams, and a basket of homemade biscuits.” He moved from giant to impaired, loudly huffing and puffing wherever he went. His health was shot and Wintour and de la Renta staged an intervention which would have him sent on the next flight to the weight clinic at Duke University. He declined the offer for years.

His weight became an emergency, something impossible to ignore in every encounter. Talley had become the physical antithesis of the Vogue aesthetic. He tried to profit from his enormity with huge capes and caftans in shrieking red and purple, and he often succeeded, as a sheer 6’6” mass of grandeur and authority. An emperor of a sort, he came full circle to his youth, when he was so often described as “majestic”. For Robin Givhan, the fashion critic for The Washington Post, the caftans were “practically papal in their splendor.”

André Leon Talley on the Pont Alexandre III, Paris, 2013


As he became increasingly enormous, he understood too late that he had become a visual liability to his famous friends. The guillotine awaited.


One believes him easily when he says “not a day goes by when I do not think of Anna Wintour.”

Was The Chiffon Trenches a suicide note or the wail “I hate you—Don’t leave me” of the borderline personality? He calls it “a love letter to Anna Wintour”. Yes, he called Wintour “ruthless” and “devoid of simple human kindness”, but he also wrote something like an open letter, a heartbreaking final address to Wintour, to which she never replied:

“My hope is that she will find a way to apologize before I die, or if I linger on incapacitated before I pass, she will show up at my bedside, with an extended hand clasped into mine, and say, ‘ I love you. You have no idea how much you have meant to me.’”

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January 9th, 2025
Advertisement for Netflix’s POLO series

POLO.  Netflix series, 5 episodes. 2024.

“POLO” is a five episode Netflix series that is part documentary and part reality show, featuring American and Argentinean players competing in the three most prestigious American polo events, culminating with the US Open held in Wellington, Florida.

POLO (their capitalization) performed disastrously in the Netflix ratings.  The British reviewers universally give it a 2/5 rating, describing it as “boring” and “impossible to relate to”.  The Guardian called it “unintentionally hilarious”.  Virtually no one saw it: even journalists found it such an onerous task that they warned that they “saw it so that you don’t have to.”

POLO begins with a hypothesis: that polo is more family-oriented than is popularly assumed, a concept which has surely preoccupied no one else on Earth.  Who cares, truly, one way or the other? “Polo can take a toll on your family,” sighs one WAG (wife and girlfriend). What about garbage collecting? Any toll there?

Argentinean player and Ralph Lauren model Nacho Figureas explains that “polo is a lifestyle: you eat, sleep, and breathe polo.” This results in players who are significantly less interesting as people than you might think.

The Americans are the underdogs.  The Argentineans, with their superstar model-handsome athletes, play with great competence, showing off magical passes and goals.  Historically, they have won trophy after trophy.  But it is the stories of the less-famous Americans that dominate most of this series.  

Argentinian polo player and Ralph Lauren model Nacho Figueres

The polo takes place in a necessarily closed world, a frenzy of activity in front of a yawning American mouth. 

The millionaires and their WAGs are spectators and participants, but certainly represent nothing that would qualify as actual society. The days of the Whitneys and the Vanderbilts, “gentleman sportsmen” picking up a mallet, ended in the 1920s-1930s.  Polo shows up how meaningless the words “American aristocracy” are.  Polo is now a means of laundering American money into piss-elegance.

Queen Elizabeth II celebrating a victory with Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh and Charles, Prince of Wales after a polo match, 30th April 1967. (Photo by Michael Stroud/Daily Express/Hulton Archive/Getty Images)

In comparison, in England, the spectators at the polo include legitimate titled aristocrats, along with British and foreign royalty.   The lineage of British polo, imported from the Raj in 1872, includes Lord Louis Mountbatten of Burma, Prince Philip, Prince Charles, and Princes William and Harry.  The takings from wins were donated to charities.

Spectators during the Cartier International Polo Tournament at the Guards Polo Club in the Windsor Great Park. (Photo by Steve Parsons – PA Images/PA Images via Getty Images)

Where British polo attracts corporate sponsors like Cartier, Rolex, Mercedes-Benz, and Moët-Chandon, American polo attracts some down-market ones.  One notable sponsor, Coca-Cola, sends quantities of cans, presumably to spray in the event of victory.  (Hence the name the “Coca-Cola Team”.) Where Brits say “chukka”, Americans say “chukker”. 

Much has been made of the identity of the series’s executive producers: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.   Prince Harry was a frequent competitor in his youth, playing in many friendly matches which generated $15M for his Lesotho-based HIV charity, Sentebale.  He was known for his aggressive play and talented horsemanship.

Prince Harry atop Drizzle

However, in May 2010, Prince Harry infamously rode out Drizzle, a 10 year old pony.  As Drizzle began to weaken, Harry rode her off the field to change horses, whereupon she immediately collapsed of a heart attack and died. 

PETA was onto that episode and began to campaign about the number of ponies throughout the sport who would drop dead on and off the field.  (Harry survived that incident through his Jack the Lad persona and the Palace PR team.)  

Increasingly, there are complaints that polo is intrinsically cruel to animals, with its high speeds (30-35 mph) and constant changes of direction, resulting in many broken ankles and legs. Polo ponies are trained for as long as five years (“making a pony”), learning to do the counter-intuitive, running toward chaos and not from  it.

Incidentally, polo strikes human beings also who are occasionally killed in play.  Successful players are like medieval Wound Man diagrams, featuring broken eye sockets, noses, clavicles, arms, hands, wrists, fingers, and lumbar spines.  Then there are the pulled groins, pneumothorax and concussions.  Even over the course of this program, one player is put into a coma.  Human and horse ambulances are at the ready.  (He is soon helicoptered to hospital.)

Meghan Markle helps to present an award to the winning Los Padres team members

Prior to this series, Meghan’s involvement with polo appeared in a video of her squeezing her way into the centre of the photo call for a victorious four-man team.  She then tried to snatch a prize as a prop from the nearest player and he, proving that the age of deference is coming to an end, refused to let it go.  Next she is Xed-out by a large silver trophy, brandished by hairy arms in front of her face. She squats to stay in the frame. She is the Yoko Ono of polo.

One needn’t be a prude to be struck by the sheer volume of profanity in this princely production.  The air stays blue, “fuck” by “fuck”, for almost all of the series. (In a bid for multiculturalism, a few “puta de madres” are contributed by the Argentineans.)

Of course, polo itself is not without linguistic eccentricities: “unscheduled dismount” (i.e. catastrophic fall), “hooking”,  “being well-mounted” or “out-horsed”.  But it is the fucks that soon grab attention.

There is a different caliber of fucks between Britain and America.  Former New Yorker editor Tina Brown and novelist Martin Amis, both British, would join in conspiratorial fuck-offs in restaurants, faking an American accent, and would wail with laughter.  “Fook you.” “No, you fook you.”

In Britain, ‘fuck’ is the birthright of the upper classes, who can relax into a torrent of obscenities, precisely because they have nothing to prove.  Attending same sex schools also neuters obscenities because they have no sexual overtones.  From American mouthes, fuck is simply seen as vulgar, sexual, with lower class implications.

—————-

Timmy Dutta of Dutta Corp

Early on, we see the Ghost of Fucks Yet To Come.  Timmy Dutta is the 22-year-old son of an often grim Indian polo father. The father, Tim, runs Dutta Corp, which deals in the exceptionally stressful task of shipping live horses around the world.  Tim shouts inspirational phrases from the sidelines (“stop fucking around”, “stupid play”, and “hit the fucking ball”).  Not surprising, polo is often compared to hockey with horses.  Timmy’s idiomatically fascinating admission: “I take my season here very serious. Don’t go out. Don’t party. Champagne’s only for the podium-type vibes.  That ideology, right?”

—————————

Louis Devaleix, patron of La Fe polo team

It is the large and charismatic Louis Devaleix who is the true fuck junkie.  Louis, 43, is the full-time owner of “a healthcare software company in the behavioural health space” and is also the patron of the “La Fe” (the Faith) team. His wife, Pamela Flanagan Devaleix, a lawyer and a winner of the US Open’s Women’s division herself, is heavily pregnant. He has two divorces under his belt, both highly contentious.

Polo attracts ectomorphs, with long, slender muscles, but the sheer Herculean mass of Louis is something thing that sets him apart from the other players. Louis is a quarter pounder of a man, a cartoon of an American. (His little boy nailed it: of all the superheroes, Daddy most resembles the Hulk, presumably in size and in personality.)

In polo, the patron is not only the owner of the team, but his ownership permits him to actually play on the team, alongside three professional athletes.  (Remarkably, the other three La Fe teammates manage to embrace while on horseback.) Louis is no billionaire bloatus on his team.  He is an okay part-time polo player, despite picking up the game at the antique age of 39. He is a truly fine fuckmeister and is presented as a likeable rogue (provided that the divorce testimony of his first two wives is false).

His opening parry is “fuck yeah, baby”, after an employee secures a business deal. When Timmy Dutta mentions that his mother has opinions about the line-up of the games, Louis teases him with, “what the fuck does your mother know?”

The admission that Louis doesn’t even know the names of his ponies is widely criticized in the polo reviews.  Polo players are horse lovers, or at least experts.  As everyone admits, the horse’s performance is 60-70% of the game. (No attention is given in this documentary to the ponies as individual athletes.  Neither is there a basic rundown of the pony’s training and breeding.  Thus, 60-70% of the subject matter is missing.)

While not quite of the same caliber as David Mamet in “Glengarry, Glenn Ross”, Louis plays a mean fuck game himself, fitting the word into every few sentences.  Think Jordan Belfort in “The Wolf of Wall Street” loosed on the polo field.

Impressively, during a game of ping pong, he produces “fucking shit of your fucking mother” in French.

Disappointingly, the subtitles omit the occasional fuck, which is covered like a piano leg in the Victorian era.  One throwaway fuck is all consonants, so fast that it didn’t register, perhaps only detectable by a radar gun. Throughout his segment, Louis plugs away with his countless fucks.

“We have the best chemistry off the field, but it is not working, not fucking working,” he muses after a loss.  “I want to blow the fucking team up.”

Louis has a formidable command of fricatives. His fucks run the gamut.  They are angry, philosophical, disappointed, matter-of-fact.  Is this a gift or a tic? A feature or a bug? To be fair, not a single one of the dozens of fucks refers to the act of congress.  They are expletives, not obscenities, certainly passionate.  

Louis arrives uncharacteristically late to a match.  He castigates himself: “I was, like, fuck, who the fuck does that?”  (After being pulled over for speeding topless in a topless jeep, he moans “I am speeding.  Not going to make it.  Fuck.  I’m late.  That pisses me the fuck off.”)

Louis attacks the La Fe marquee

After one loss, Louis attacks a drinks cooler and a bright pink marquee with a polo mallet. For a moment,  it seems like  the marquee might fatally collapse upon Louis, but it held up, one leg bent.  Later, he later sits erect on his mount and roars “fuuuuck” to the sky after missing a goal.

Louis Devaleix and his wife Pamela

Louis’s fucks can get downright romantic.  Nestling with his wife, Louis descants: “There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t think about that we could have spent more time together.  And I’m sure it can be really fuckin’ lonely, and I am sorry for that.”

Polo players are designated by their handicap, which runs from -1 to 10 (the highest).  Louis’s handicap is 1, which makes his goal of beating either of the 10 handicap Adolfo or Poroto Cambiasos frankly delusional.

————— 

Adolfo Cambiaso of La Dolphina team

The subplot involves the saga of the Cambiasos, evoking Goya’s painting “Cronus devouring his son”.  Father Adolfo Cambiaso was a longtime number one in the sport, and is universally regarded as the GOAT.  (“Fuck him”, comments Louis.) But his son, Poroto (aka Adolfo Cambiaso Jr), only 19 years old, is reckoned to be an even greater player than his father.  Like a pagent winner eclipsed by her prettier daughter, Adolfo is not completely pleased to have sired such a gifted sprog.  Adolfo, 49, who should be retiring about now, plays for Team Valiente and Poroto plays for La Dolfina, so their head-to-head competitions are psychologically charged.  “I am proud of my son, but I want to beat him”, admits Adolfo.

Eventually, the son’s La Dolfina team prevails over the father’s team at the US Open, leaving Adolfo muttering unhappily from underneath a towel.  This match would have been Adolfo’s tenth US Open. 

The missing story here, which is never even mentioned, involves the very controversial practice of cloning which Adolfo Cambiaso began with his two legendary horses, the late Dolfina Cuartetera (2000-2023) and Aiken Cura (1995-2007).  

Adolfo Cambiaso and six clones of Dolfina Cuartetera

Today, ponies given unsentimental names like Aiken Cura E01 romp to victory.  One photo features six Cuartetera clones, who spookily resemble their progenitor and all perform well on the field.  There are at least 300 cloned polo ponies in the world, costing only $120,000 each, raising a number of ethical and genetic issues.  (Supporting a polo team regularly cost $5-10 million a year, making cloned ponies a realistic option for some teams.) Adolfo is said to own some 1,000 horses, and is always acquiring more.

————-

In the end, it is sad to see Louis defeated.  “I’m tired of spending all the fuckin’ money.  I just can’t win,” he says, wiping a tear from his eye.

Elsewhere, he sobs: “Had my worst game.  Every play, you know, from the fucking beginning.  I feel like I’m complete…fucking garbage.”  He eventually considers, “Losing is fucking terrible.”

Louis may have written his epitaph: “We went into this game way too confident.  It fucked us.”

————————————————————————

For insights on the history of American polo, see:

D.C. Denison, “Polo Makes a Galloping Comeback.”  New York Times Magazine (15 March 1981).

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Pockets Warhol, Capuchin Monkey and Artist. Photo: Charmaine Quinn.

You have probably never heard of a monkey spa before, but Story Book Farm Primate Sanctuary in Sunderland, Ontario has a unique pair of assets: its charismatic monkeys and a lush, peaceful property consisting of 168 acres an hour and a half outside Toronto.  I spent an Open Day with forty-odd visitors, drunk on the deep greenness of the spotless land, listening to the wind twist through long grass.

Our mission was simian, but one couldn’t help but be pulled toward the healthy farm life, chatting over cookies with volunteers who confide monkey escapades under a pretty marquee.   Arriving at the property, I was met by barn cats and glimpsed a natural pond thick with frogs, who would later announce themselves into the silent, private nights.  Later in the afternoon, a dozen cows wandered in a neighbouring field, parking themselves as objects of contemplation.  In the evening, the monkeys fall into ancient biorhythms and a deep sleep, hard to imagine from their chirping and mischief by day.

The feel is of a primate kindergarten.  Senior volunteer Rachelle Hansen checks in on the two olive baboons, to make sure that Pierre and Sweet Pea play nicely and each have a bouquet of flowers to eat.  Story Book Farm has advanced the cause of baboon diplomacy by putting the two neighbours, formerly separated by bars, into a shared enclosure with a new extension funded by donations.

The monkeys welcomed their visitors with there characteristic gestures, each possessed of a unique personality, just like human beings.  Despite the traumatic life stories of monkeys rescued from laboratory testing and roadside zoos, each resident of the sanctuary has made significant gains, responding to the patience of volunteers and an endless flow of tickles, treats, and gourmet fruit and vegetable salads. Spaghetti is an occasional favourite.

Pockets Warhol, overwhelmed by a crochet doppelganger. Photo: Charmaine Quinn

Pockets is an adorable white-capped Capuchin monkey whose latent artistic gifts were discovered by volunteer Charmaine Quinn, who offered him bright children’s paints and a canvas as enrichment. As it turned out, Pockets is the craziest artist since Salvador Dali. Capuchin monkeys as a species are a frequent choice in university behavioural psychology tests, due to their exceptional intelligence. Capuchins are the stars of primate economics, able to use plastic coins to exchange for treats in a range of experiments. In the wild, they carry rocks long distances to break open nuts, showing an impressive memory and skill in tool use.





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As the outdoor tour moves from one enclosure to another, the resident monkey pops out on cue, each performing his own self-styled act for the guests.  Pockets fixed on a friendly grandmother, choosing a favourite visitor from each tour, and it would be hard not to feel flattered. Popping back indoors through a small barn window, he began to make a huge racket, throwing his toys and smacking the walls to get everyone’s full attention.  The effect was of Oscar the Grouch rustling around in his trashcan. Soon, Pockets darted back to his fans in the sunlight.  In the end, Pockets only has eyes for his “Muse”, Charmaine Quinn, with whom he appeared to be communicating telepathically.

For residents of downtown Toronto, where the occasional parks are thick with cigarette butts and broken beer bottles, Story Book Farm offers an afternoon of profound peace. The lawn is ready for a family picnic in the shade, behind the large Victorian house in which the staff run the charity.  

Inside, is a room which has been transformed into a gallery for the second stage of the Pockets Warhol Art Collective, wherein works by important contemporary artists (including Pockets) can be bought. New Yorker cover artist Anita Kunz curated the show, and works are available by major artists from Ralph Steadman (an American cartoonist famous for his longtime collaboration with Gonzo political writer Hunter S. Thompson of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas) to Sue Coe (a Briton known for her graphic art promoting animal rights).  Prices range from $25 to several thousand dollars, and the quality is surprising high, since Kunz called on many established, mid-career colleagues.  Familiar cover cartoonists from the New Yorker mix with figurative Canadian artists.  Many artists chose to produce a new, monkey-themed artwork for the show.

————————

After a brush with financial catastrophe in 2015, executive director and resident photographer Daina Liepa joined up with an anonymous donor to save the sanctuary and its furry occupants. Liepa is an amusingly glamorous character who keeps the sanctuary going from day to day, whether mucking out enclosures or running silent auctions or doing the crucial PR work for the sanctuary.

Under Liepa’s stewardship, Story Book Farm has received both local and national newspaper and TV coverage. Before devoting herself to the Sanctuary, she had a successful career in advertising. For a Sanctuary holding a little over twenty souls, it punches above its weight in the elegance of its communications. Every media announcement and notice is done just so.

Liepa has overseen the increased size of the enclosures, with their extremely expensive fencing, and the beautification of the exterior spots of the sanctuary, bringing pots of flowers for the monkeys to think about.

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No one is more famous than Darwin, better known as “the IKEA monkey”, who was found in a North York IKEA parking lot wearing a shearling coat, having escaped from the car of his illegal owner. The bizarre story went viral internationally, turning into a meme on social media. After legal wrangling, Darwin was turned over to the sanctuary, where he has flourished, forming a new family with other macaques.

Dotted throughout the enclosures are large, rugged Fisher-Price toys in primary colours, large enough to stand on, with knobs and buttons with which to fiddle.  Pockets has both a plastic car and a plastic pagoda.  Today’s dedicated sanctuaries and zoos put great effort into enrichment, which involves keeping the animals intellectually stimulated and emotionally sound.  At Story Book Farm, intricate toys, some purpose-built, are available and the monkeys work to find treats hidden in the grass and meals wrapped in bags. The sanctuary receives a treasury of toys as gifts from its many supporters, some hand-made puzzles of various sorts devised to keep the monkeys in thrall.

Some monkeys prefer nothing more than to stare at the monkey in the mirror, while others chirp out their life story to a favourite volunteer.  The volunteers dance attendance on the animals, rushing around to keep them entertained. This is the crucial distinction between a sanctuary and a roadside zoo, in which monkeys are forcibly taught tricks and sealed in small cages.

Mr. Jenkins shucks corn, a favourite treat. Photo: Daina Liepa.


Tortishell refugee from the entertainment industry, Mr. Jenkins, played Hamlet, dithering in the doorway of the barn. Sanctuary life means that primates get to choose whether to stay inside or outside, or to bathe in the summertime in plastic swimming pools.

None of the monkeys looks entirely real: their fur is so plush and their eyes so shiny that, in repose, they could be mistaken for stuffed animals. The lemurs, regarded an evil spirits in their native Madagascar, look like intergalactic visitors with their staring orange button eyes. Elderly spider monkey George throws Art Nouveau shapes, while hanging from the roof.  A single bench is parked suddenly in front of a row of enclosures, from which one could drift into reverie under a complete sun, contemplating with relaxed disbelief life as lived by celebrity monkeys.

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There is a world parallel to our own whose small inhabitants fret over toxic shock syndrome, swoon over Fabergé eggs, and hoard pet cats. This world is filled with objects of convincing density: a Louis Vuitton shopping bag; a crystal ball; a tutu; a telephone; a dunce cap; an igloo; and a feathered turban. Characters speak with the languorous wit of Tallulah Bankhead; the screechy frustration of the stay-at-home mother; the precociousness of a child studying vocabulary years in advance of her SATs. In many ways, this world is entirely our own with the exception of the size and, well, the chenille and pipe cleaner consistency of its occupants.

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Richly detailed tableaux are filled with sassy chickens, the only actors in Sloane Tanen’s four art books: Bitter with Baggage Seeks Same: The Life and Times of Some Chickens (2003); Going for the Bronze: Still Bitter, More Baggage (2005); Hatched!: The Big Push from Pregnancy to Motherhood (2007); and Appetite for Detention (2008).  (The titles are satisfying in translation: Splendeurs et misérès d’une starlette de poulailler, Poussez for Hatched, and Küken im Goldrausch.) The store-bought chickens pop up as novelty items in craft and toy stores around Easter. Tanen sculpts them to reflect emaciation, obesity and plain old bad hair days. Bits and pieces from dollhouse collections, like baby strollers and polar bears, texture the dioramas. The small fuzzies seem sometimes to stagger under the weight of their emotional baggage. The word ‘tizzy’ comes to mind.

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(Tanen laughs at the necessity of the word ‘adult’ in relation to some of her books and its misleading connotations: the phrase “adult chicken book” is especially intriguing. Tanen wrote another chicken-based children’s series featuring naughty Coco the child chick, who learns her letters and numbers and travels the globe, ending up at every child’s utopia: grandma’s house.)

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The chickens’ world is pluralist, even multicultural. There are Orthodox Jews with curls who break fasts with hotdogs; a gay couple who fuss over their physiques; and even green Martians.  Prince Charles and Camilla appear on their wedding day, Camilla Chicken wearing her distinctive agrarian-themed bridal tiara, smelling faintly of guacamole.  And there are note-perfect references to popular culture, with the grim menstruation-in-the-showers scene from the horror movie Carrie.  (“It was one of those scenes that was sort of iconic and traumatic to me when I was a kid,” she explains on the phone from Oakland, California.)

 

There is also pathos and black comedy, as a tiny boy chicken, in the spelling bee’s harsh spotlight, labours over the word “dissapointmint”. Blue Chinese immigrant chickens splash perilously in their rowboat, trying to buck up by singing “New York, New York” in Mandarin.  (The chicks are actually made in China.)

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The legendary cartoon editor of the New Yorker, Robert Mankoff, once buzzed around Tanen’s work as a new, avant-garde cartoon, unlike any of the magazine’s past submissions. Her work is original and identifiable at a glance and is ready to appear in any setting in which cartoons are found. Its stagy, intricate settings (“little movie sets” says Tanen), are more obviously artistic than cartoonish, and ultimately maximalist where drawings are minimalist.  Each image, deriving from a 3-D set, is trickily sculptural and takes up to an hour to shoot.  Though Tanen refers to herself as a “3-D cartoonist”, her work seems to bring a little more to the table than cartooning.

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In the end, the New Yorker did not put out a special issue of multimedia cartoons, and the project was shelved.  “The editor-in-chief [David Remnick] sees the New Yorker as a traditional magazine using traditional line-drawn cartoons,” explains Tanen. She calls the meeting with Mankoff a high point for the chicken series, saying “I do think that cartooning is an art form: I definitely do”, and names Charles Addams a particular inspiration.  In their ability to form stand-alone universes, the chickens perhaps best resemble Gary Larson’s classic cartoon “The Far Side”.

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A commissioned composition (“Subway Chicks”) has appeared on New York City subways and billboards, as part of a series of MTA Arts for Transit subway posters.  Tanen produced a tapestry of metropolitan life in this close depiction of Mayor George B. McLennan Jr.’s inaugural subway ride from City Hall Station in October 1904.  For the Spring 2006 collection, The Sak, a mid-range handbag line, ran a series of chicken ads.

 

Sloane Tanen’s life is bicoastal and bicultural. Her father, Ned Tanen, was a studio head with a massive Hollywood career (Animal House, Jaws, Fatal Attraction), which kept Sloane in LA until age 18. Her education is diverse, and she began attending a string of exclusive institutions with the private co-ed Brentwood School.  She did her undergrad at Sarah Lawrence, majoring in visual art.  Tanen’s paintings feature black and white “architectural landscapes”, and appear in corporate and private collections.  Her time in Manhattan was prolific.  She did two Master’s degrees, one at Columbia in art history and another at NYU in literature.

 

She went on to University of Virginia where she began her Ph.D. with the intention of becoming a professor, but she eventually left due to a lifelong fear of public speaking. (A shy, apprehensive theme returns when she talks about reading Amazon reviews: “When you go out in public, you gotta be ready to get your head blown off.”) Her reading schedule remains heavy: a list on Twitter takes in Joyce Carol Oates, Herman Kock, Donna Tartt and Tom Rachman.

 

She returned to California, to Berkeley for a few years, and now she resides in Oakland. (“I’m having a harder time relating to it because it’s not my kind of crazy.  It’s nice, it’s different, a good place for the kids.”) The captions of Tanen’s chicken images reflect her ability to toggle between two dialects: New York hipster and California flake.

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The chicken work was born in New York, at Tanen’s Greenwich Village studio.  Tanen’s artistic career was underway, and she was showing her work in galleries.  Unable to paint large-scale works after an injury, Tanen began making model houses and painting their small rooms.  Tanen had bought a few of the little chenille figurines every Easter, and stuck a few in her miniature rooms, sending the resulting pictures on cards to friends.  They were a hit, and Tanen soon got more inquiries for her chicks than for her serious painting.  Her friends requested personal situations rendered in chickens, and Tanen discovered that any embarrassment depicted in chenille lost its power to offend, but not its power to amuse.

 

It takes a surgeon’s dexterity and attention to detail to assemble the dioramas and pose the charismatic chenille, and some of the original sets sold at auction raising funds for a cancer charity. At first she made all of the little props used by the chicks, and then Tanen discovered that she could buy many in the strange, obsessive world of dolls and dollhouses.  “I am a better painter than a line drawer and the chickens just came very easily.  They were kind of an accident, as are the best things in life and art.”   Editor Amy Scheibe approached her to produce a book, and she soon had her choice of publishers.  Tanen connected with German photographer Stefan Hagen and a deal was signed with Bloomsbury.  Hagen, who worked in advertising shooting jewelry and shampoo bottles, was the first successful chicken photographer.  He knew exactly how to light the dioramas, and he would collaborate with Tanen throughout the chicken period.

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Tanen’s chicks are tucked away in their roost for now.  The publisher and editor have left, and Tanen is now separated by geography from her collaborator-photographer in New York.  Though the first books sold well, the classification of her books in stores created a problem.  “These are gift books, and they end up shelved in the humour section of a bookstore and nobody sees them.  When they are viewed as a novelty item and the booksellers put them out, then they do sell.  Otherwise they can get lost in a bookstore.”   Tanen was frustrated when the most accomplished chicken book, Hatched, suffered such a fate.

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An attractive, youthful brunette, Tanen is married to Gary Taubes, an award-winning science writer who has appeared on the cover of New York Times Magazine.  His research into the Nobel Prizes and Cold Fusion has been followed by a predictably best-selling, controversial book called Why We Get Fat.  They have two young boys, Harry and Nick, and Tanen remains close to her older sister, Tracy James.

 

In 2011, she published a young adult novel, Are You Going to Kiss Me Now? (Sourcebooks Fire).  High School Junior, Francesca Manning, is an aspiring writer who crash lands on a desert island with five celebrities, one an obvious Perez Hilton figure and another a Lindsay Lohan.  She had won the rendezvous with celebs through a Seventeen magazine biography contest, for which she falsely wrote that her father, who had just impregnated his girlfriend, was dead.  This is the essential Sloane Tanen detail: small stakes, huge results.  As she moves onto another literary work, Tanen hasn’t forgotten the chickens what brung her to the dance.

 

“I’m the chicken lady.  It’s quite a label to carry around.”

 

 

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Some time after her death, it came to me to explore the archive that Miss Callas had assembled over the course of her life.  The library, a room in her apartment at 36 Avenue Georges Mandel, documented Maria’s attempt to internalize the musical world for the sake of her art.  It was required of Callas, she believed, to swallow the world entirely in order to emit Norma or Medea.

Her archive was not yet picked over.  It looked mad, crooked, and it contained many of her possessions, her letters and scores, which would later disappear.

Everything stopped abruptly

Over the wide room, a hologram of Aristotle Onassis sprang up here and there, recommending spy fiction and a catalogue from Van Cleef  & Arpels. He addressed the camera, and thus me, in a “get a load of this” tone.  He blew me a kiss.

A glance took in her collection of scores and a stack of 8-track tapes for language acquisition (Introductions to Turkish, Persian, German).  She spoke Greek, French, English and the Italian dialect of Veronese, usually in a blend, multidimensionally, rising and falling like the keys of a typewriter.  I saw copies of Macbeth and a biography of Nicholas and Alexandra, dog-eared, which she had carried around for a while, moving from one carry-on bag to another.

This is disgusting, said Ari, looking around.

This is a disgrace, said Ari.  (In the end, I would find several cremated poodles who were lost in the shelves.) Ha, he said suddenly.  Mincing, he held up a trashy biography of Jackie Kennedy mid-1970s, and raffishly  kissed her paper cheek. His head is the head of the minotaur, and people whisper how can she sleep with him?

Jackie Kennedy is a bag of bones, he once not only told Maria, but told her in front of guests.  An incalculable gift.

My assistant asked if we might come across some special map of Greece to lead us to hidden archeological treasures.  Of course not, you idiot, I said.  He and I congratulated each other on the significant finds, like a purple metal garbage can sporting a silkscreened picture of Jackie at JFK’s funeral. Should I throw out the inevitable junk?   I wondered if the word theft could be applied, as we shuttled away piles of hotel room stationery, covered in notes and lists and letters.

Jackie Kennedy bled into the real Kennedys, Jack and Bobby, JFK and RFK

And everything was confidential

(FBI agents burst through a tear in time)

And life was lived like something snapped off

The other woman was more interesting than Ari himself.  This is for whom he would leave me, wrote Callas on Excelsior Hotel paper.  This is my weight in gold.  This is my value in couture. This is my bag of secrets.

This is our Hisarlik, I tell my assistant.  This is our Hisarlik, this is our Troy, this is our flaming library, Alexandria under our feet, this Knossos, this is our old religion.

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Nowhere is the possibility of milking as self-annihilation more evident than when it involves a beautiful woman with flawless styling. Daphne Guinness remarks later that ‘self-annihilation is a prerequisite to growth’. The milking of a model is the fashion equivalent to Pete Townshend smashing his guitar. Here, Guinness performs a wipe-out gesture of her own.

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Milking began as an in-joke among young male Newcastle University students, a little light relief during exam time. Young people took bottles full of litres of milk and emptied them on their heads, for no discernible purpose other than that, for a time, it seemed like the thing to do. Milking quickly caught on through YouTube, generating tens of thousands of views, and spread to other British cities and towns, including Edinburgh, Oxford and Cirencester. People milked in trees and from a second floor window, soaking the man below and his cereal. Participants competed in choosing the funniest, most unexpected locations for their milkings, just as others had done with the phenomenon of ‘planking’.

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Planking involved lying stiff as a board in a surprising spot, and became the quintessential Internet meme. Because of a rush to outdo other ‘plankers’ in choosing an outlandish site, a variety of injuries and one fatality resulted. So far milking has proven harmless, unless you consider the fate of the milk itself.

In fact, milking was displaced by the invention of ‘porting’ at Durham University, in which male students pour a bottle of port over their white dress shirts (which are thus ruined) and dark suit pants. Although port is much more expensive than milk, no one can construct much of an argument regarding the importance of its preservation. It is hard to argue that those who waste milk are improving the world, but some might see a virtue in those who waste alcohol. These competing memes (from competing universities) can be seen on YouTube, which critic Wayne Koestenbaum refers to as a kind of ‘shame-kiln’ in his book Humiliation (2011),discount Quetiapine(Coincidentally, he published a volume of inquiry titled The Milk of Inquiry (1999).)

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Director Nick Knight’s suggestion began as a joke on the geographic spread of the milking craze, from its origin in Newcastle to Bruton Place, Mayfair, one of the most expensive neighborhoods in London. Multimedia artist and model Daphne Guinness hadn’t heard of milking before, but quickly latched onto the idea and saw that it was the best way to celebrate a pending move. Location was on Knight’s mind.

In fact, on the next day (1 February 2013), SHOWstudio itself moved to a new site on Motcomb Street, Belgravia. Milking Mayfair had the adults paying tribute to a meme developed by youth, and restaging it in a formidably expensive, grown-up context.

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